Q:  Maybe we are lucky but I am not so sure.  My wife and I have been married 10 years, and we seem to get along OK – no big fights.  But it seems the spark is gone; neither of us seems particularly passionate.  Is this standard or can we so something to light the old flame?

A:  The fact that you are interested in developing more intimacy is a sign that your relationship has the potential to grow at this time.  No relationship is born ideal – it grows.

To evaluate the strengths and areas to work on in your relationship consider the following areas of intimacy to see where you and your wife might want to make some changes.

1.   Emotional Intimacy: Is there a closeness of feeling and an ability to share openly in a non-defensive atmosphere where there is support, understanding, and trust?

2.   Social Intimacy: Do you have friends in common and a similar social network?

3.   Sexual Intimacy: Do you each enjoy showing general affection, touching, physical closeness, and sexual activity?

4.   Intellectual Intimacy: Do you each frequently share ideas, talk about events in one’s life, or discuss job related issues, world affairs, etc.?

5.   Recreational Intimacy: Do you and your spouse share interests in leisure activities either active or passive?

Awareness is 90 percent of the solution.  The fact that you are aware that some changes need to take place to renew your relationship is a big first step.  Hopefully the above questions will give you some hints as to where to begin focusing your efforts.