My wife doesn’t seem to have time for me anymore. We’re both trying to
make our relationship work as it’s the second marriage for each of us.
When we married two years ago, I thought we both wanted to travel and
spend as much time together as possible. I hardly ever see her. She’s
always working and seems to love it. What should I do?
A: When expectations are not met,
disappointment follows. Clearly the expectations you had for your
married lifestyle are not working out according to plan, and it is
natural for you to feel disappointed and/or angry. It certainly sounds
as though you and your wife need to talk openly about each of your
original hopes for your life together and see what has changed along the
way. Many times, work becomes an escape and a way to avoid or deny
problems. It would seem important to explore what she is getting from
working so much. Fortunately, you are addressing your disappointment and
concern early, rather than sweeping it under the rug. The following are
points you and your wife may want to discuss as you work together to
clarify what each of you wants from the other at this time.
What were the
expectations you each originally held regarding time spent together
and time spent apart after marriage?
If that has
changed, when did it change?
How do each of
you feel about the quality of the time you now spend together? If
you think it could be better, what would be an idea for improvement?
What picture do
you each have in mind of how you would like to see your life in one
How similar or
different are your mental pictures? Are there common goals? If so,
what are each of you going to contribute toward positive change?