Anger and Rage
Q: My wife never gets angry
or rather never vocalizes her anger. She
also is frightened when I express anger. I always try to hold it in, but then the littlest thing will set me off
like a volcano. I feel like I’m caught
between a rock and a hard place. What
should I do?
described a very common way that many people try to use to handle their anger –
to deny or hide it. Unfortunately, as
you have found, that leads to a buildup of old anger that from time to time
tends to spill out inappropriately in an explosion. This is often referred to as a “slush of
people who constructively express their anger often are much less likely to
build up the “slush fund of anger.”
than having to express major anger, the goal is to be aware of your feelings of
minor irritation early and deal with them at the moment. Anger is not an all-or-nothing feeling.
There is a lot in between wild destructive
rage and absolute passivity. Perhaps as
you are able to assert your mild feelings of irritation to your wife and
negotiate for change or creative problem-solving together, she will see that
anger doesn’t have to be dangerous.